this life is impossible! We All Know This. even so, it was a series of small, large, invisible and inevitable victories that led you to this page instead of like, reddit or tik tok or grad school or the grave. i won't bore you with any more twee sentimentality, but let's call this sequence of events what it is - an improbably long streak of good fortune that demonstrates an impressive ability to Keep It Moving Despite The Shit. no matter how fucked things are in your/the world, this remains true.
so, what are you feeling good about? finishing something, quitting something, sudden realizations, making that dumb phone call and waking up are just a few examples.
personally, today is the first time in at least a few years where i have achieved The Ideal Kitchen - all surfaces cleaned and mopped, fridge and pantry stocked with snacks, tasty leftovers and ample ingredients for future meals. i have established a good cleaning habit since i moved this summer, but never had the juice to Go Shopping AND Deep Clean before the food was eaten / the mess was remade. before that, one was difficult and both was logistically impossible. i am honestly very amped!
ANY Victory, No Matter How Small
ANY Victory, No Matter How Small
Bayer's Prayer
Regardless of my sleep schedule (which has been fluctuating again 
) and still having a compulsive need to shower way more than is necessary,,, I've been doing a really good job of taking really quick showers at night (so that I don't just space out for a half hour and then end up falling asleep super late) and I've even been doing a good job of occasionally not even showering in the morning 
to most people this is probably pretty normal i imagine
to -not- spend an hour every day in a shower
) and still having a compulsive need to shower way more than is necessary,,, I've been doing a really good job of taking really quick showers at night (so that I don't just space out for a half hour and then end up falling asleep super late) and I've even been doing a good job of occasionally not even showering in the morning to most people this is probably pretty normal i imagine
to -not- spend an hour every day in a shower finding a way to simultaneously regulate sleep during the long dark night season AND manage extreme shower requirements is an inspired accomplishment, nice 
i can somewhat relate, being home all of the time means no barriers stopping me from removing all of my skin throughout the day and night
today, i had to break one of my cardinal exec function preserving rules (no Shopping and Laundry on the same day) and i made it through the entire marathon without getting anxious / deliriously tired -- and it was a total shitshow at t0rg0t! even tho i was not feeling great even before we left, i ended up having a lot of fun buying new sheets and a comforter with my lover + coming home with weeks of clean clothing and a couple of nice-smelling indulgences. thanks to those 6 years spent working high-stress full-time Holiday Retail at Craft Store, my Endurance + Dodge Speed stats get a temporary buff whenever i have to navigate a big box store a week before Holiday
i can somewhat relate, being home all of the time means no barriers stopping me from removing all of my skin throughout the day and night today, i had to break one of my cardinal exec function preserving rules (no Shopping and Laundry on the same day) and i made it through the entire marathon without getting anxious / deliriously tired -- and it was a total shitshow at t0rg0t! even tho i was not feeling great even before we left, i ended up having a lot of fun buying new sheets and a comforter with my lover + coming home with weeks of clean clothing and a couple of nice-smelling indulgences. thanks to those 6 years spent working high-stress full-time Holiday Retail at Craft Store, my Endurance + Dodge Speed stats get a temporary buff whenever i have to navigate a big box store a week before Holiday
Bayer's Prayer
today i feel victorious because i have managed to work on the same song for nearly a week without 1) hyperfocusing on minutia until i stop having fun, 2) making big changes out of frustration w/ point 1 and ending up w a giant project full of cool elements and no actual song, 3) running off to make something else (often because of 1 and 2).
what i HAVE done that is rare and exciting: 1) CREATED A PAD THAT SOUNDS GOOD - writing drums, leads etc is usually easy 4 me but filling in the gaps isn't, 2) encountered plenty of the above pitfalls and managed to get back on track, 3) got rid of stuff i put a lot of time + TLC into when it didn't work
what i HAVE done that is rare and exciting: 1) CREATED A PAD THAT SOUNDS GOOD - writing drums, leads etc is usually easy 4 me but filling in the gaps isn't, 2) encountered plenty of the above pitfalls and managed to get back on track, 3) got rid of stuff i put a lot of time + TLC into when it didn't work
Bayer's Prayer
theotonic wrote: ↑Thu Dec 23, 2021 3:15 pm 1) hyperfocusing on minutia until i stop having fun, 2) making big changes out of frustration w/ point 1 and ending up w a giant project full of cool elements and no actual song, 3) running off to make something else (often because of 1 and 2).
3) got rid of stuff i put a lot of time + TLC into when it didn't work
Dude heck yeah I struggle with literally all of those constantly. A song I'm working on right now has like 5 different variations of B-parts and I'm like "heck. I'm gonna have to throw away at least one or two of these" and I haven't managed to yet.
You should post a working version of the song in creation station if you feel like it!
--
today's pk victory is i finally freakin' managed to get covid tested after several days of trying while
sick! I also have been borrowing a car this week and one of my car errands has been "go to parents' house and organize old junk in basement" and I almost went today but my victory is that I realized it was dumb to try to do and I didn't have enough time or energy to do it! So I gave up on doing it this week instead of overworking myself! I guess I'll do it at some point??? (shrug emote) (I haven't figured out a good way to make a shrug smiley)Hi @theotonic what a lovely question!
Tbh today was one of those
days, BUT I managed to (mostly) not feel guilty for resting/loafing/fretting. And I also supported my parents in not catching their new kitchen on fire 
Tbh today was one of those
days, BUT I managed to (mostly) not feel guilty for resting/loafing/fretting. And I also supported my parents in not catching their new kitchen on fire i made it through a very hazy and miserable few weeks without completely detaching from reality. it is the only + greatest victory i have at the moment but that does not understate its power or my gratitude
my next act of victory will be getting enough brain cells together to make posts on the cool forum : ) watch this space
my next act of victory will be getting enough brain cells together to make posts on the cool forum : ) watch this space
Bayer's Prayer
The past few days are just get to work and eat sort of days. And I am proud of myself for getting up to shower and put a microwave heating pad on. 
Last night me and Soleil finally sat down to work on a project we came up with a YEAR ago but have never gotten around to actually working on! Details coming soon! [edit: details HERE] 
It didn't even take that long or take that much energy, we'd just been talking about it for so long but never actually sat down n did it 
oops
It didn't even take that long or take that much energy, we'd just been talking about it for so long but never actually sat down n did it oopsI am proud of myself today for
1. getting out of bed
2. doing yoga
3. trying to keep perspective on the nature of change and time and cycles of death and rebirth
1. getting out of bed
2. doing yoga
3. trying to keep perspective on the nature of change and time and cycles of death and rebirth
omg great job everyone, loving these victory developmence
i did something incredibly difficult (quit taking longtime-friendly-to-my-body nootropic substance after becoming physically dependent on it and finding out how much that sucked) after months of weird guilt and false starts, i was prepared to feel a lot worse than i do. still feel like there's a big gaping hole in my daily routine / the Shape Of Each Day but that is a fine consolation compared to like, that PLUS weeks of Total Body Hell.
i did something incredibly difficult (quit taking longtime-friendly-to-my-body nootropic substance after becoming physically dependent on it and finding out how much that sucked) after months of weird guilt and false starts, i was prepared to feel a lot worse than i do. still feel like there's a big gaping hole in my daily routine / the Shape Of Each Day but that is a fine consolation compared to like, that PLUS weeks of Total Body Hell.
Bayer's Prayer